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I read countless Facebook statuses and Tweets tonight criticizing the quality of the Oscars this year. Let me just say:
DUH!
It’s pointless these days to point out the terrible quality of award shows. When was the last time one of these shows has upheld the dignity and honor that we associate with the awards bestowed? I’m going to venture to say that it’s been at least 15 years since they gave up the classy pomp and circumstance for the cheap attempts at entertainment and humor. For people my age, that means they’ve been bad since before our parents would allow us to see any of the films nominated for any awards, let alone let us stay up late enough to see the awards for the categories that people care about!
And yes, the musical numbers are hokey. They rely on cheap rhymes, bad melodies, and often, celebrities we don’t want to hear singing (Gwyneth: your guest role in Glee is lackluster, and I really didn’t want you a part of the Oscars. The last time I liked you, you were playing a cross dresser. Go back to that). But music is so ingrained in the history of theatre and film that to disregard it in a ceremony celebrating film greatness and tradition simply wouldn’t do. Besides, it gives actors a chance to show that the Triple Threat may still exist in film, not just on Broadway (clearly it doesn’t).
And fine, the celebrities all act a little crazy. I mean specifically at the award shows– we’re talking about most celebs here, not Charlie Sheen. But after all the hard work and stress they just submitted themselves to in order to justify their presence at the Oscars, they’re ready to blow of some steam. Or suck in some sort of natural/chemical remedy– James Franco, I’m looking at you even though I know that’s an everyday occurrence for you. I’m not condoning drug use, but hey, even entirely sober — like what I hope the very pregnant Natalie Portman was — celebs will act a little loopy when they realize they’re celebrating. We all get a pass for the stupid stuff we say and do everyday, especially when we’re exhausted. Let’s give these guys a pass too.
But most importantly, why are you surprised that the Oscars are “terrible?” I don’t understand how you can completely forget the train wrecks that were the Oscars of years past. But you still watch them. Every year. And complain. Every year.
Lower your expectations already! Unfortunately, you’re not going to tune in one year to find that the Academy Awards ceremony has become a straight-laced, strictly haughty affair. There will always be low-brow humor and cheap musical numbers. There will always be celebrities who could inspire an impromptu intervention (with Dr. Drew of course) at these things, and we’ve all caught on: the presenters read from a projector. This will not change.
Melissa Leo accepts award for Best Supporting Actress (The Fighter) Photo: USA Today
What will harping on it accomplish? It will only show that you have a stick up your ass. You’re not showing off how finely tuned your critiquing abilities are: You’re simply reiterating a universally acknowledged truth. Sharing an “opinion” that millions (A million’s not cool. You know what’s cool? a billion!*) are also expressing doesn’t make you a great critical mind; it makes you just as irritating as everyone else.
Once you stop complaining about the quality, you’ll have so much more fun. You’ll appreciate the few good moments even more, especially since they’ll be great surprises instead of expectations. You’ll laugh more freely. You’ll realize that Tom Hanks was auto-tuned.
And you’ll avoid having to think of a response when someone points out the obvious:
You can always change the channel.
* Thanks to The Social Network, I’m not sure I’ll ever say “million” without thinking how a billion is so much cooler.
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My Intro to Film 